A Fresh Perspective for Alysa
When I look back on these last few months I can’t help but get emotional and when I try to put it into words, it seems that none of them come out right. But the two words seem to stick out the most are reconciliation and healing. Before leaving for Uganda I was wrestling with a great deal of insecurity and discouragement. I had a hard time sharing this hurt with others, but I carried the pain nonetheless. I had been hurt time and time again by the world, and had become weary and alone. My own hurt and disappointment became a lens which I viewed myself and others. Uganda was the place that I could get away from all that. It was a time that I could separate myself from the hurt back at home. From the start of the trip to the very last day in Uganda, God was fixing my broken heart. He was healing me of hurts that only he could heal. He even brought an unexpected friendship back from the dead.
Many of you read about my encounter with the Lord in Rukungiri. Not only did God heal my broken heart, he also gave me new eyes to see. Before this trip, and for most of my life, I have been plagued by anxiety and fear. I would have regular panic attacks and get overwhelmed very easily. But now the Holy Spirit is helping me to see with “new eyes”. I am seeing the challenges of the world, personal conflict and cultural pressures as obstacles to overcome through grace and perseverance, whereas before I could only see them as a mountain too big to climb. For the first time in my life I can now see the potential that others see. God is showing me that I have to let go of fear and anxiety and trust Him with my life instead of listening to the lies of the enemy that lead to self-doubt and disappointment. This has been difficult considering most of my life has been consumed with fear and anxiety. When you embrace the deceptions of the flesh for so long it’s hard to let go. But now I can see more clearly how God views me and through His grace I am walking in His truth and I have been able to help others let go of it as well.
Not only has God done some amazing work in me, he has used me in ways I have never thought I would be used. A year and a half ago I never thought I would be speaking in front of thousands of students telling them about Jesus Christ, and how to be confident in their faith. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine being approached after church by a fifty-year-old man asking me to pray for him because he was struggling with what I was sharing about in church. I’m only 17, yet God wanted to use me to speak into this man’s life. The list goes on. But the Lord has really used me in ways that many would consider impossible. I can remember back to just a few days ago when I thought “ok, well I guess now that I’m in London, God is done using me”. Boy was I wrong! Just a few moments after that I got a call on my phone from someone else who heard me speak on Sunday. This person wanted to meet and talk about what I had shared about. The topic I had shared on was fear and anxiety. I have never been asked to help someone with their fear and anxiety, but even through my apprehension the conversation went well. We met a few days later and talked for over 2 hours! We prayed and we both felt encouraged at the end.
God is using me in ways that I never thought possible. Before I came on this trip, I was dealing with too much of my own fears and insecurities to adequately encourage others. But the healing has begun and it is a clear reminder of what God can do in your life if you let Him.
I guess the point that I’m trying to get across is that I can’t believe all that He has done! He has given me new spiritual and emotional eyes. He has begun reconciliation with broken relationships back home. He has given me fresh vision and hope for my future. He healed me from areas that I didn’t even know were broken, and has used that healing to help other people. But most of all I have gotten closer to Him. Through everything that has happened to me God and I have really grown in our relationship. He has shown me a new way of looking at life, and I am now ready to share that with everyone at home. Now that the trip is coming to a close, I hope that I can remember all that has happened and be able to share it with my friends when I get back. I am a new person and I want to live like it!